The Great Searcher

Yesterday I couldn't get sleep. And I still can't. At first, I thought that I'd go after the gnome that bumped into me. I thought, I'd find her and ask if she'd take me home. Then I started thinking about the wierd dreams and encounters that I've had these past few days.

I was apparently brought here for a reason. I am not mad nor hallucinating. The thought of searching the mage had a familiar echo in my head. Isn't that what I have been doing my whole life? Searched.

In my youth, I searched for acceptance of my elders. They were fine tailors and wanted me to follow their footsteps. I did what I did to rebel, and after that, they never looked at me the same way anymore. I joined the temple, became a priest, when they wanted me to be safe from the upcoming war. Why? So that they would finally accept me. Did they?

In the temple, I searched for The Goddess. Being a man, in a church of women, I searched for my place. As a priest I searched for discipline.

When my sister Alenjye was slain by the trolls, I searched for her killers. When I found out she had had a baby, I started searching for a nephew.

During the war, I met a human rogue, Iani. I even entered death to search for his missing soul. And after he stole a part of my soul, I spent months searching for him.

I joined Blackstar, and searched for my place there. I heard the call of the white rose, and started searching for it with The Order.

My nephew Eluoren found me, and when also he disappeared from my life, I started searching him.

That's it. All my life I have been searching for acceptance, other people, a dream... And somehow I have lost myself in the process. I have not been searching for myself. Who am I? Who is Amarïs Amaranthine, other than eternal searcher?

Amarïs Amaranthine, The Great Searcher.

I've never even thought about it. What do I want? Love? Wealth? Glory?

Maybe it's time to stop searching, and start finding.