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Showing posts with label Goddess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goddess. Show all posts

Friday, October 28

The Venomous Fang and The Nurturing Mother

Darnassus! At last! I cannot believe I am resting in an inn in my beloved home. And how strange was the way I got here. I feel like crying out of happiness.

Yesterday I was pondering the course of my life in a strange desert in an unknown part of the world. The sun was burning my brains and I lied down in a shade of a tree. I must have fallen asleep, because I saw a familiar sight in front of me. My friends and loved ones had gathered around a pillar of moonfire standing in the middle of a field of white roses.

One by one they approached the pillar and vanished inside it. Eluoren hugged her mother Alenjye, as they stepped inside... vanishing together. I felt like crying.

Once they were gone, I felt the pillar drawing me closer. As I approached it, I saw it changing shape. I saw the moonfire pillar turning into a beautiful woman. She looked fierce and frightening, yet loving and caring at the same time. The same woman, I realized, had saved me from the demons.

"I am glad to see you again", she smiled at me. "Do you not know who I am?"

I nodded. I knew her. I know her still.

"I am a venomous fang in my enemy's flesh. I am the burning fire of truth. I am the guarding armor protecting my servants. I am the nurturing mother of my children. I am your destiny, Amarïs Amaranthine!"

She looked me into my eyes. Her eyes were burning with intense white flames.

"Are you ready to choose?"

Her hands grabbed mine, and my head exploded with visions. I saw worlds born and die, I saw my friends burning and battling. I saw my sister dying and Eluoren being slain. I saw horrible abominations cutting Iani in half, and him resurrecting as an undead. I saw my parents falling asleep and never waking up. I saw a temple of Elune crumbling down. Not all I saw, I understood.

"You have been purged by pain and fire", the lady said. "You have fought with shadow and moon. You have been healed by time, and sharpened by the sun."

She raised her hands in front of her face. In each of her fingernails, I saw my own reflection. It was me, yet it wasn't. The images were all different.

"Do I have to choose?" I asked. "I don't know the consequenses of my choises."

"Nobody know the consequenses, yet everyone makes choises every day."

"But I feel I shouldn't make this kind of decisions without giving it more thought."

"Are you sure you haven't made bigger decisions already in your life? Decisions you cannot reverse..."

The reflections I saw were so different. I saw a fatherly Amarïs growing up four children. I saw a warrior Amarïs slaying orcs in a battlefield. I saw a wounded dire bear whom I recognized as myself... Ten different me.

"I will choose none of these", I said. "To make that decision I would first have to know what I'm giving away. And I do not know myself well enough to be someone else."

The lady lowered her hands. She laughed and smiled. She put her arms around me and kissed me on my forehead. "Just what I wanted to hear..." she whispered.

Everything started fading away around me. "Will you help me find myself?" I had to ask. But everything went black around me.

I saw and heard nothing.

"I will be with you, with every step you take", she whispered.

And then I woke up because someone was poking me.

That someone, was the same gnome mage. She had appeared in my dreams, and she had bumped into me once in the desert.

"Finally you woke up!" she said. "Now let's get you home", she opened a portal to Darnassus. Without any more words I was taken home.

Thursday, October 27

The Great Searcher

Yesterday I couldn't get sleep. And I still can't. At first, I thought that I'd go after the gnome that bumped into me. I thought, I'd find her and ask if she'd take me home. Then I started thinking about the wierd dreams and encounters that I've had these past few days.

I was apparently brought here for a reason. I am not mad nor hallucinating. The thought of searching the mage had a familiar echo in my head. Isn't that what I have been doing my whole life? Searched.

In my youth, I searched for acceptance of my elders. They were fine tailors and wanted me to follow their footsteps. I did what I did to rebel, and after that, they never looked at me the same way anymore. I joined the temple, became a priest, when they wanted me to be safe from the upcoming war. Why? So that they would finally accept me. Did they?

In the temple, I searched for The Goddess. Being a man, in a church of women, I searched for my place. As a priest I searched for discipline.

When my sister Alenjye was slain by the trolls, I searched for her killers. When I found out she had had a baby, I started searching for a nephew.

During the war, I met a human rogue, Iani. I even entered death to search for his missing soul. And after he stole a part of my soul, I spent months searching for him.

I joined Blackstar, and searched for my place there. I heard the call of the white rose, and started searching for it with The Order.

My nephew Eluoren found me, and when also he disappeared from my life, I started searching him.

That's it. All my life I have been searching for acceptance, other people, a dream... And somehow I have lost myself in the process. I have not been searching for myself. Who am I? Who is Amarïs Amaranthine, other than eternal searcher?

Amarïs Amaranthine, The Great Searcher.

I've never even thought about it. What do I want? Love? Wealth? Glory?

Maybe it's time to stop searching, and start finding.

Monday, October 24

Travelling nowhere

Elune! No! I have travelled for two day and nights and now... Goddess, why have you forsaken me? I am exactly in the same spot where I started. I feel like crying. I am tired and I am hungry...

I will die here in this desert. I am sure of that.

Thursday, October 20

Memory loss

When was the last time I had food? When was the last time I had water? Think Amarïs, think. How long was I captive? And where am I now? My every possession was stolen. What happened? I wish I could remember...

I am too tired. Elune bless me and keep me safe till I find my way to civilization.

What has happened to me?

What has happened to me? How long has it been since I last saw the moon? The sky? How long has it been since I last smelled the grass or hear the trees breathin? I must clear my head before I write more. Elune have mercy for what I have done...