The Venomous Fang and The Nurturing Mother

Darnassus! At last! I cannot believe I am resting in an inn in my beloved home. And how strange was the way I got here. I feel like crying out of happiness.

Yesterday I was pondering the course of my life in a strange desert in an unknown part of the world. The sun was burning my brains and I lied down in a shade of a tree. I must have fallen asleep, because I saw a familiar sight in front of me. My friends and loved ones had gathered around a pillar of moonfire standing in the middle of a field of white roses.

One by one they approached the pillar and vanished inside it. Eluoren hugged her mother Alenjye, as they stepped inside... vanishing together. I felt like crying.

Once they were gone, I felt the pillar drawing me closer. As I approached it, I saw it changing shape. I saw the moonfire pillar turning into a beautiful woman. She looked fierce and frightening, yet loving and caring at the same time. The same woman, I realized, had saved me from the demons.

"I am glad to see you again", she smiled at me. "Do you not know who I am?"

I nodded. I knew her. I know her still.

"I am a venomous fang in my enemy's flesh. I am the burning fire of truth. I am the guarding armor protecting my servants. I am the nurturing mother of my children. I am your destiny, Amarïs Amaranthine!"

She looked me into my eyes. Her eyes were burning with intense white flames.

"Are you ready to choose?"

Her hands grabbed mine, and my head exploded with visions. I saw worlds born and die, I saw my friends burning and battling. I saw my sister dying and Eluoren being slain. I saw horrible abominations cutting Iani in half, and him resurrecting as an undead. I saw my parents falling asleep and never waking up. I saw a temple of Elune crumbling down. Not all I saw, I understood.

"You have been purged by pain and fire", the lady said. "You have fought with shadow and moon. You have been healed by time, and sharpened by the sun."

She raised her hands in front of her face. In each of her fingernails, I saw my own reflection. It was me, yet it wasn't. The images were all different.

"Do I have to choose?" I asked. "I don't know the consequenses of my choises."

"Nobody know the consequenses, yet everyone makes choises every day."

"But I feel I shouldn't make this kind of decisions without giving it more thought."

"Are you sure you haven't made bigger decisions already in your life? Decisions you cannot reverse..."

The reflections I saw were so different. I saw a fatherly Amarïs growing up four children. I saw a warrior Amarïs slaying orcs in a battlefield. I saw a wounded dire bear whom I recognized as myself... Ten different me.

"I will choose none of these", I said. "To make that decision I would first have to know what I'm giving away. And I do not know myself well enough to be someone else."

The lady lowered her hands. She laughed and smiled. She put her arms around me and kissed me on my forehead. "Just what I wanted to hear..." she whispered.

Everything started fading away around me. "Will you help me find myself?" I had to ask. But everything went black around me.

I saw and heard nothing.

"I will be with you, with every step you take", she whispered.

And then I woke up because someone was poking me.

That someone, was the same gnome mage. She had appeared in my dreams, and she had bumped into me once in the desert.

"Finally you woke up!" she said. "Now let's get you home", she opened a portal to Darnassus. Without any more words I was taken home.

The Great Searcher

Yesterday I couldn't get sleep. And I still can't. At first, I thought that I'd go after the gnome that bumped into me. I thought, I'd find her and ask if she'd take me home. Then I started thinking about the wierd dreams and encounters that I've had these past few days.

I was apparently brought here for a reason. I am not mad nor hallucinating. The thought of searching the mage had a familiar echo in my head. Isn't that what I have been doing my whole life? Searched.

In my youth, I searched for acceptance of my elders. They were fine tailors and wanted me to follow their footsteps. I did what I did to rebel, and after that, they never looked at me the same way anymore. I joined the temple, became a priest, when they wanted me to be safe from the upcoming war. Why? So that they would finally accept me. Did they?

In the temple, I searched for The Goddess. Being a man, in a church of women, I searched for my place. As a priest I searched for discipline.

When my sister Alenjye was slain by the trolls, I searched for her killers. When I found out she had had a baby, I started searching for a nephew.

During the war, I met a human rogue, Iani. I even entered death to search for his missing soul. And after he stole a part of my soul, I spent months searching for him.

I joined Blackstar, and searched for my place there. I heard the call of the white rose, and started searching for it with The Order.

My nephew Eluoren found me, and when also he disappeared from my life, I started searching him.

That's it. All my life I have been searching for acceptance, other people, a dream... And somehow I have lost myself in the process. I have not been searching for myself. Who am I? Who is Amarïs Amaranthine, other than eternal searcher?

Amarïs Amaranthine, The Great Searcher.

I've never even thought about it. What do I want? Love? Wealth? Glory?

Maybe it's time to stop searching, and start finding.

"Aha!"

This morning, as I was ready to go to sleep, I met someone. At least I think I did.

My camp was approached by a tiny stranger dressed in travelling robes. She was very much in her thoughts because she literally bumped into me as she was walking. At first I thought she was a crawler of some sort because of the way she moved. She moved as if she was searching for something that had fallen on the ground.

As this tiny, gray-haired gnome lady bumped into me, she looked up and said: "Aha!" She raised her eyebrow knowingly, pointed me with her finger, blinked away, and disappeared. It all happened pretty fast, so basically I don't know what happened.

She looked familiar, though. Almost like the sage from my dream. Was it her?

"You are not ready yet"

There is something mystical in this place... How it affects me - especially my dreams.

Maybe writing down my dreams will help me to understand what's happening to me. It is either that or talk to myself (which I have found out that I'm doing).

I saw a field of white roses and a circle of people sitting in the field. While I approached them, I recognized the figures Celethan, Logiar, Reyn, Drumelix, Eluoren, Alenjye, and Iani. There was also an old gnomish sage with grey hair. And a dark-haired human woman. In the middle of the circle was a fiery pillar of moonlight.

"Amarïs, we have been expecting you", Celethan greeted me. "You should have not walked away", the gnome lady said.

"Who are you?" I had to ask. I knew most of them, yet I felt uncomfortable in their midst.

"We are the memories in your heart", Eluoren told me. "We are here to help you to choose", whispered Iani.

"Memories! I don't even know some of you. What are you going to help me with? What am I supposed to choose?" I felt anger and fear overcoming me.

"Your destiny", sweet Alenjye told me. "Not more, not less", Drumelix smiled.

"But you are not ready yet, I see", master Logiar nodded. "But you will be soon", the dark-haired woman told.

"Come back when you are", Reyn said as he disappeared to the shadows.

In a second they were all gone. And the moonlight faded.

A horrible nightmare

Elune, I feel like I've slept for days. My every inch hurts like being beaten. I had the most horrible nightmare, though I do not believe it can be only a dream. It was way too lifelike. I have to write it down, the parts I remember at least. It may be important if I try to recall what has happened to me... or how I ended up in this vile place.

In my dream there were pillars of fire and blue demons that surrounded them. I was there, bound by spells. Fiery shackles held me in place. Even though it was a dream I could feel the shackles burning me. The time dragged and the demons, they were anxious. At times I blacked out. And even when I was unconscious I felt the burn of the spells and heard vicious growling. My life was draining out. My flesh was melting. I prayed but the demonic spells blocked my prayers from going to The Goddess. I screamed in pain, but the noise of the burning shackles was louder than my screams. I cried but the heat of the fires vaporated my tears and the burning fumes hurt my eyes. Every second felt like eternity. I tried to wake up, but the shackles kept me bound in the nightmare. Slowly I felt my life leaving me and feeding the demons.

And then, a vision of my sister appeared in front of me. She was armored in silvery moonlight. She had a shield with the face of Elune. Her sword was made out of moonlight. "Take my hand", she said. "Step out of the cage, and follow me." She grabbed my hand and I felt the power returning to my body. Cool shadows covered my body, and I did not feel the burning anymore. The cage was broken. The demons attacked. We faced them together.

The battle. It was horrible. For abomination we slayed two more attacked us. I prayed pain on the devils. And I saw the shadow words eating them alive. I attacked their minds and I saw their heads explode. And I saw my sister's moonlight sword cut them in half. They hit me but I did not feel pain anymore. Scores of demons were no match for the shadow and the moon.

Somehow we fought our way to a doorway. "Go!" she yelled at me. I looked back from were we had come and I saw corpses. It must have been hundreds, maybe thousands of demon carcasses. I thanked her for saving me. She kissed me on my forehead. "I have always been there for you", she said. "Have faith in me." And when I looked at her face, she was not my sister anymore, but the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on. She was glowing with moonfire. And I stared her glowing brighter and brighter. "Now go", she smiled. As I turned my back at her and ran through the doorway, I saw the world turning white from the moonlight. It was as if the world had exploded into a beatiful white light.

Then I woke up.

That was the dream I had. Now I keep thinking, how much of it is true. Did that truly happen to me. The burnmarks on my body imply that it did. But it all seems too unbelievable to be true.

It was just a dream.

But aren't dreams a gateway to our hearts and souls?